If your purpose is only about you, it has no branches.
If it is only about the rest of the world, it has no roots.

Dawna Markova

XLIX i

Arlu poured a fresh cup of coffee and stirred it.
While Tuco read the morning news.
There is dramatic news every day,
it's steadily changing
yet unchanging.

Tuco turns to the window
and watches the horses munch through breakfast.

To look at what is meant by magnanimous mind...
we need to look at how we see others when we experience the reality of life itself.
This reality of life is self connected to all things.
Through it we live that life of the whole self that has no limit and
that nothing is outside of,
so no matter what happens,
we are always living out the life of self that is only self.

by Kosho Uchiyama¹

Tuco sometimes thinks about his first horse.
It was a proud mare
who wanted more in life.
He could tell.
She'd amble out on a ride.
Then, when he turned toward home,
she'd act up.
She rarely threw him
but he knew she was making a point.

He turned back toward the coffee pot.
Just one more, he reminded himself.

But it isn't a matter of becoming just universal self
by means of some special device
whereby we erase all the other people who are before us.
Rather, the reality of life is that we are always living out the true self
that is only the true self, just as during zazen.

by Kosho Uchiyama¹

XLIX iii

Arlu had filled her cup again as well
and turned to watch him fill his.
"This a ride day?" she asked.
And Tuco thought, yeah, why not.

He grinned and turned to watch her tilt her head
watching
first him
then the horses finishing the hay
he'd put out for them.

Wait a bit he thought
until it is warmer
and everyone's meal has settled some.

And grain for the horses
after the ride.

They step out on the planked porch
and the horses look toward them.
Somehow they know, he thought.
Some how.

We assume that we are all living together in one commonly shared world.
However, this is not true from the perspective of the reality
of our actual life-experience,
which we learn about through letting go of our thoughts in zazen.
For example, when you and I look at a cup,
we usually assume that we are looking at the very same cup,
but this isn't so in terms of true, raw life-experience.
I am looking from my angle and with my power of vision
and you are looking from your angle and with your power of vision.
There is absolutely no way we can exchange
nor understand each other's experience.

by Kosho Uchiyama¹

XLIX iv

Tuco never took to zazen
but there seems to be so many ways
for letting go of grasping thoughts.
Sensations pass through,
hot, cold,
wet, dry,
pleasant ache, unpleasant ache,
congested breath, easy breath;
then the breeze picks up
and sounds rustle
beyond the closed eyes.

Arlu thought, "silence is just part of him,
but it seems so active.
How is silence and patience active?
she wondered. What is this sense of energy that is everywhere
and yet,
and yet,
invisible.
Absent,
but for a vivid aura of presence.

This is not only true for seeing;
it is true of every perception and sense experience -
hearing, smelling, tasting, and touching.
The world in which we actually live and experience life in its vivid freshness
is a world that is mine alone and yours alone.
This holds true even more for our thoughts.
As in the proverb "Several men, several minds,"
everyone has completely different thoughts,
just as everyone has a completely different face.
Even though people who believe in the same doctrine
use the same slogans and follow the same formalized way of thinking,
there can be no doubt that behind those expressions
their understanding in terms of vivid reality is as varied as they are.

by Kosho Uchiyama¹

XLIX v

Tuco had told her once about the idea of "several men, several minds."²
She questioned its meaning and he said,
various experiments have failed to prove his theory.
but then, he continued,
none have disproved it either.

She was perplexed.
Arlu pondered magnanimous mind.
She'd read about Dogen Zenji's talks about magnanimous mind.
"Magnanimous mind is like a mountain, stable and impartial.
Exemplifying the ocean, it is tolerant and
views everything from the broadest perspective.
Having a magnanimous mind means being without prejudice
and refusing to take sides.
When carrying something that weighs an ounce, do not think of it as light.
And likewise when you have to carry 50 pounds, do not think of it as heavy....
View the changes of the seasons as a whole and
weigh the relativeness of light and heavy from a broad perspective."³

Stable,
impartial,
Tuco?
She wondered about perfection.
And then laughed at her own silly goal.
She vowed to try again
for the simple
complexity.
To view the changes of the seasons as a whole,
that is complex enough, she thought.

If we assume that all of humanity is living in the same world
and has the same ideas, this is a crucial mistake.
Even when it seems that we are communicating
because we are using the same words,
this is communication only in a generalized and abstract sense.
In terms of raw life-experience
everyone lives in a different world
and lives out his or her own world
of self that is only self.

by Kosho Uchiyama¹

XLIX vi

Arlu turns back
into this moment
and sought Tuco's location.
It's with the horses, of course.

Tuco considered what Arlu said,
"'If your purpose is only about you, it has no branches.'
Nothing lifts up.
'If it is only about the rest of the world, it has no roots.'
Nothing branches across the bedrock,
there is no anchor within the soil."
And he ponders her serene smile.

Tuco turns back
into this moment
and sought Arlu's location.

Coming to the corral,
saddle in hand.
Smiling
wide.

She is the picture of life
of self that is only self.